Vulnerable
I asked the child to point the direction of my shadow and she showed me the dregs.
“Your pain is hidden here,” she said.
My father’s pain, my mother’s pain, and my childhood experience exposed to the exploring light of my inner self, given permission by me in this present moment to be revealed.
The sun and the moon arose, offering me tools to see, to feel more deeply my truth in this exploration.
The sun here, the moon there, mirroring each other’s stance, mirroring each other’s pain.
Not really pain inflicted from one to another, but pain accumulated from the general experiences of being human.
Apart from Love, we are apart from Compassion.
And not having Love and Compassion’s nurturing presence, we are apart from each other, like islands rigid against the sea’s sometimes battering presence.
I wish to love, but I’m insecure.
I wish to be compassionate, but I don’t know how.
Show me my pain by revealing yours.
Can I see my own truth by being present to yours?
Love me as I reject you.
Embrace me as I resist and fight you.
Hold your ears gently receptive as I lash out at you.
See me directly as I pierce your eyes.
In your annihilation let me expose my truth.
If you love me then, I’ll think about loving you back.
This cycle, without end, in my unknowing self.
This cycle arriving to conclusion in my awareness of its presence.
I am done, help me surrender, the pain is too great.
I cannot see beyond the pain.
Set me free of this bondage, of this particular way of being.
I don’t seek revenge, I just think I do.
I don't want to belittle you, I just think I do.
What is the source of this pattern and how shall I unravel this mystery?
Oh, deep psyche, surrender yourself to Soul’s presence.
I pray to be vulnerable to the truth of my emotions.
Thank you Spirit.
© Johnny R Calvert March 25, 2010
