I Feel Something
June 13, 2010
I feel something close
It is familiar and it is uncertain
I feel something close
It is familiar and it is honoring of my attention or lack thereof
A bright, gentle presence just outside my normal state
I Am love and light, it beckons
Contained within, my habitual self
I loathe, I dread, I ache
For something more familiar, more deep
I long for my bridge to open and reveal All Truth
For in the All Truth is rest
For the All Truth is Soul
I feel choice is at hand;
choice to be my old self with all my old personality traits, though they have softened considerably;
or choice to be in the awareness of the Loving All, an awakened state of beingness.
I feel like I need money to pay my bills and to maintain some standard of normalcy.
My education and work ethic certainly seem to support that, though I long for more at a very deep level.
I feel disheartened by life's practical necessities.
And have I so commited to what I have been that I am unable to let go?
My activities of daily life are not satisfying my inner urges to fully explore my very nature, to fully commit to that which requires deep trust.
I live in two seemingly distinct worlds - one of normalcy and one of Spirit.
Am I truly ready to know myself? Am I truly ready to choose?
I was guided by Spirit: “Knowing is possible when the consciousness is held in truth. Aliveness is to trust one’s essence as godliness, meaning purity of Spirit, loving expression, courage of heart. For one is tested again and again along the path to awakening.”
I was asked “Am I truly desirous to see the face of God? Is my stomach in this for ego?”
I truthfully cannot say, but if I’m given a choice, I choose yes.
Guide me, Spirit, to my essential Self. I am both here and there, lead me fully to the Now.
(c) Johnny R Calvert June 13, 2010
